I don't Care: Reflection
by RuthanneReid
Summary: Sumeragi Subaru's presence of mind a few months after Hokuto's death as he holds a conversation with an unexpected individual.


I Don't Care; Reflection

_It's almost graceful, the way your petals fall; twirling in even the slightest of breezes, coming to rest on the pond for a short while before darkening and sinking as the water finally overcomes them. I wonder - would it be better if they were not pink? If there were no constant reminder of his sin - and yours - in the subdued hue of their color?_

_Perhaps. It hardly matters._

_I watch your leaves as they fall to their death; your delicate, skin-soft petals. They almost seem as if they want to dance with me - and as a younger man I might have believed that. It would have been better if I had, maybe; after all, Hokuto loved to play in these pretty, caressing showers of yours, and I didn't - and look at which one of us he preferred to take as a dancing partner. _

_Of course, I don't think for an instant that we were in competition for him; it was simply a matter of my place in his eyes... not being enough. Not enough to hold his interest as he does mine; not enough to warrant an alteration of his behavior, of his belief, of his direction - _

_... his distraction._

_It is dimly amazing to me,as I look back now, how much I've changed in the last six months. My grandmother barely recognized me when I saw her last. The two inches of growth and fifteen pounds lost made little difference; It was the look in my eyes. The expression on my face._

_Or lack thereof._

_I suppose someone like you takes little stock in such a thing as human changes. You have remained, ever growing and unchangeable, for century after century; what's the growth of something like me me to something like you? What is change? Hardness? Coldness? _

_Pain?_

_Do you even know how much pain he's caused?_

_DO you?_

_... do you even care?_

_If he were to die one day, or to leave you - would you even notice?_

_Are you completely without sentience? Without desire? _

_Are you as mindless as he is?_

_....no. He is not mindless._

_He is heartless._

_And in that, I suspect he is very much like you._

_.... _

_Would you give me my sister back, I wonder, if I killed him? I don't mean her life; her body rotted long ago rotted among your roots, drained of all its blood for the sake of his power. I mean her soul... the part of her you still have trapped inside you._

_Trapped inside. What an intimate way to die...._

_...._

_That's thinking like him, isn't it? Are you surprised? You shouldn't be. It's true I'm not longer the naive boy who stumbled into your power and tried to overcome you so many years ago; I'm not even the same half-child that you nearly swallowed just a little over seven months past. _

_I am a man, and I will kill Seishirou-san. In order to do that, I have to think like him - don't you agree?_

_I've already begun to smoke; my grandmother was horrified. She tried to plague me with guilt, guilt at defiling my body, guilt at shaming my ancestors, guilt at saddenning my parents, my sister.... It was the look in my eyes that stopped her. She watched my face and just... trailed off. She has not brought it up again._

_It was almost... funny._

_I suppose he would have thought it very funny; or not... I no longer feel so sure when it comes to his humor. He is such an expert at faking his emotions; I, for one, am not even sure that he enjoyed my almost-end as much as he appeared. _

_After all, he never came back._

_...._

_I wonder; how long will it be before you bring him here? I could try to hurt you. Chew away at your magical barrier until he has no choice but to show up, to protect you. _

_To protect you as he once did me - but for utterly varying reasons. _

_I could try... but I think I will not. Not yet. __I am still too... unworthy to retain his attention. Too much of a quick blow, a flyby, a few seconds' worth of diversion. __Truthfully, I hardly see how he managed to stay WITH me for a year. __But he is determined, our Seishirou-san is; so, I will be more so. __I will be everything he is and more; I will gain his attention, and once having gotten it, I...._

_...but is it possible to lie to you? Should I even try?_

_Well... once I have it... then I have it._

_Nothing else matters._

_Like him, I will have the patience. Like him, I will work for what I want; but unlike him... _

_This is no game to me. _

_There is no bet._

_There is only the end._

_I'll leave you now; I doubt you'll be seeing me again any time soon. I don't think I can stand your pink perfection any longer. Just understand - when I've killed him, I'll make you give her up. Now you've had full warning; Seishirou-san will die at my hands, just as you will soon after. I will kill him. You will see. After all..._

_Even I am allowed to lie to myself._

__


End file.
